I went hiking again this weekend and was on the trail, anticipating solitude since the temperature earlier that morning was in the teens, Fahrenheit, that is. For those who use the more sensible Celsius, it was approximately -9 degrees or so. Really, why don’t Americans use the metric system? Temperature measurement in the metric system is based on the natural molecular structure of water. It freezes at 0 degrees C, and boils at 100 degrees C. Makes sense to me! Similarly, the metric system of measurements such as length or weight makes so much more sense, too. You just move the decimal point over and, voila! 1000 grams = 1 kilogram, or 1000 meters = 1 kilometer, etc. (Kilo means a thousand, that’s why in movies that have drug sales, they talk about how many “kilos”, because international dope pushers have enough sense to use the International System of Units, lest they be offed for fucking with a drug king pin talking nonsense about 16 ounces = 1 pound.) I just had to laugh when I saw that the United States is one of three countries in the world that hasn’t adopted this system. Thank goodness there are two other countries that haven’t adopted the stupid metric system: Burma and Liberia! Clearly these three countries represent the bright and hopeful Post-Industrial future of the world. (Do you recall the NASA mission to Mars that undershot its trajectory because someone forgot to convert numbers to the metric system?)
Back to hiking. By the time I hit the trails it was nearly 1pm. I went to a more commonly hiked trail because I really like the ups and downs of the particular route I do. However, as mentioned, I didn’t anticipate seeing anyone due to the cold, although it had warmed up since my morning run. About 45-minutes into my hike, I came across a group of three trail runners, one guy and two gals. Trails are generally wide enough to accommodate one person. I heard Mr. Jackass chatting between pants as he ran, approaching me, and saw the group of three running in single file. Naturally, I got over to the side to let them pass. It just seemed like the kind thing to do. So there I waited in the snow, off the beaten path, as they approached and passed me.
Now I’m not asking for much here, but at least eye contact and an acknowledgement of my existence would have been nice, such as “hi” or “thanks”. Nope. Nothing. Motherfucker just kept talking between his panting breaths as the three 20-somethings wearing cool ass sportswear actively averted eye contact, as though I didn’t exist! The two girls that followed did the same goddamned thing. That shit pisses me off. I should’ve just kept walking and not yielded the trail, just to see what those fucks would’ve done. It would have been funny to watch them suddenly be forced to stop their running, and to jump over to the side into the brush so they could go around me! That’s right, you fuckers. Go around me, and I would have at least looked over at you and said, “Hello. Thanks!”
I was irritated, since this wasn’t an anomaly. It’s happened before and it will happen again. Last month, on the same trail, a father and son were trail running, and I saw them in the distance approaching me, so I waited to the side before crossing a bridge that spans a small creek bed. Daddy-o just kept chatting to his overweight son whose top-most layer was a t-shirt indicating that he had once played football in high school. (Probably a lineman whose job was to sumo wrestle the defense without getting a hold penalty.) They obviously saw me waiting, but Pops turned his head slightly over his left shoulder, and said to his son, “hey, be –pant- careful on –pant- the bridge!” indicating that there were some frozen patches. Same exact pattern: I wasn’t there. I should have tripped him and told them that I was expecting to cross the bridge first, since I got there before they did. I could’ve easily outrun them both if they got mad about it.
I continued on my hike after the encounter with the threesome trail runners, and saw a young couple standing on a flat ridge. At first I thought the girl was smoking a bowl, but then realized that they were taking a break and she was sipping water from her beau’s water bottle. They both saw me approaching, but their eyes were hidden behind I-see-you-you-see-you sun glasses. They just looked at each other until I came right up to them. At least the girl acknowledged my existence by saying “hi”. “How’re you all doing?” I said, glancing from the girl to the guy. Dude said nothing. I just kept walking. Now in this case, at least the girl said something, but again, the pattern is, ignore, ignore, ignore. Dude, at least say “hi” or respond to my question by saying “good”. Maybe he was deaf and couldn’t hear my question, and she happens to lovingly communicate with him via sign language. That almost seems plausible…
The rest of the hike was uneventful and enjoyable, with exception to my new snow pants making me a little too hot and sweaty. But overall, I was pleased with them. They’re more for skiing, so I am a little concerned about their use for snow shoeing, which will undoubtedly make me just as hot if not hotter than the hiking I was doing.
That evening, I went to refill my 5-gallon (18.9270589 liters) capacity plastic kerosene jug. I use kerosene to supplement my home’s heating system with a kerosene heater when I’m hanging out in the living room. I always noted that this particular gas station has very polite attendants. Since polite and respectful people are so few and far between, it was always noteworthy that the attendants there have been consistently nice. Compliments to that particular station owner for hiring good personnel in this day and age.
I filled my jug to capacity and went inside to pay. There was a small line with a young couple in front of me buying a Frappuccino or some shit like that, and a 50-something man at the counter purchasing a 12-pack of Miller Light and some dollar lottery tickets. Immediately I could sense that the fucker buying the tickets was an asshole. “Gimme another ticket!” he said somewhat forcefully to the gentleman attendant. The attendant asked, “another dollar one, or…?”
The fuckhead then responds, “well, if you’re gonna give me a ten dollar one... Yeah, a dollar one!” He put on an air of exasperation at the clerk’s question, and continued, “I just got a dollar one! You can give me a ten-dollar one if you want… for a dollar.” He was clearly smug, proud of himself for being so clever in front of an audience. The clerk responded, “well, you said ‘another ticket’ so I wasn’t sure…” He got him the ticket, paid him out, and said to the customer, “Thank you. Have a good one.” The fuck walked out mumbling some shit, shaking his head, carrying his 12-pack and out the door.
The attendant looked over at his coworker, saying to her, “Man, I hate that! That guy’s always like that,” as I shook my head and rolled my eyes about the dumb jackass who just walked out the door. The couple in front of me bought whatever items they had and left – another unremarkable interaction out of thousands that these clerks undoubtedly experience. I asked the attendants if he was a regular customer. “Yeah! It’s not like I said anything to him (that would warrant such behavior),” the clerk said indignantly. “No, not at all!” I said in agreement, and added, “what a jackass!” We wished each other a good night and I went along my way back home. The theme this day of Ass Clowns was pretty apparent and now concrete. It’s too bad, really. It’s not always like this, but man, what a world. Dealing with Ass Clowns on a daily basis is bad for one’s health. I hope this isn’t a harbinger of more things to come.
Unfortunately, on this very afternoon U.S. Representative Gabrielle Giffords was shot, along with several others who were wounded and killed. Among the murdered was a 9-year old little girl, Christina Taylor Green. In this day and age of anonymity, where your fellow human being is just another mass produced piece of shit number, in a country divided and full of hatred, one can only hope that the Ass Clowns come around to realize that it’s not all about them. It’s not all about the individual. I can only hope that citizens of the United States come around and realize that we are collectively a people that share this society, environment, and planet. As much as one might be in denial, yes, you do depend upon other people every day. Start acting like it, Ass Clowns.
No comments:
Post a Comment